To “let go” is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
This is a tough one. I tend to want to protect and prevent whenever a situation presents itself.
Even thinking about little broders, my nature is to step in and do whatever I can to "control" the situation. Yet at the same time I have realized that sometimes he learns the quickest through natural consequences.
I suppose it is the same for all of us, even as adults.
Thanks for listening!
7 comments:
I agree, our instinct is to jump and and save whatever or whom ever needs to be saved. By doing this we enable those to learn until the situation presents itself again and again. It is hard to watch loved ones get hurt or struggle but it allows them to be stronger and no one said you couldn't be a cheerleader on the side line!:)
Yes, Cory, I know what you mean. Naturally, it just seems easier and quicker to be an enabler. But in this day and age being an enabler is a bad title to earn. Enablers are always getting their butts chewed out. I have been an enabler all of my life. Recently you have told me that I hardly have a butt anymore. Well, it has nearly all been chewed off from being an enabler. I am trying to change. It is difficult to do. It makes me feel like I don't care about people and don't want to help or get involved. But I know that it is not really good to always be an enabler but it is my nature. Now I get a guilt complex and feel selfish when I try to not be an enabler. It almost makes me feel like a hermit who does not give a damn about society and my fellow man anymore. It reminds me of that old poem, "Don't Try To Be What You Ain't". I naturally am an enabler but I am getting tired of going around with my ass in a sling from getting it chewed out all the time for being one. What is an enabler supposed to do????? Poor me! GG
It is so hard to see our loved ones in a situation and we can not do anything about it. Sometimes though, the most help we can be is just to be there and say I love you and support you. Our kids will learn so many lessons in this life that we could step in to change. It is for their future that they learn on their own. I think it is one of the hardest lessons to learn in parenting, family and friendship to let go.
Your grandpa's comment makes me think of the famous statement "dammed if you DO and dammed if you DON'T" That feeling is one that creeps into our lives most often when we are faced with the challenge of, "do we step in and try and prevent the consequences we see approaching??? OR do we stand back and let the consequences unfold naturally??
Unfortunately some times we absolutely MUST stand back and let those we love, spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend, stumble through a difficult, dangerous, or hurtful situation to actually come out on the other side of the problem, stronger, more self confident, and better equiped to handle it alone the next time a problem presents itself.
Not to say you can not be there to be supportive and bend down and lend a hand when applicable, but sometimes, lessons must be learned through the trials it took to get there.
Prayer and words of encouragement are good tools to equip yourself with, and everyone needs cheerleaders in their life :-)
Pam
Yes, I agree....it is our nature to want to step in and "save". But when we enable, we really aren't "saving". We are saying that no matter what choices are made that each time we will bale them out. This doesn't help anyone...the enabler and especially not the one being enabled. I hae always said that growing up and into my adult life...I always had to learn my lessons the hard way. I wouldn't take anyone's advice...I did what I wanted to and paid the consequences. I don't remember a time when there was someone standing there waiting to bale me out of the mistake that I made....and I am SO thankful for that.
Supporting...but NOT enabling is one of the best gifts you can give a person. Just remember that Cory. I love you!
i speak as a parent when i say this is such a hard thing to do.....and i feel that "need" so often to jump in and rescue....but as so many have already said.....it sets a pattern and really doesn't allow the lesson be learned. as you say, you are already seeing that with brody.
we cetainly can be there for strength, support, encouragement and a shoulder to lay your head on...and in our own lives seek the strength and wisdom we need so desperately to know how to help.
love you!
well, i have had people in my life help me thorugh situations, but i don't think anyone has ever helped me OUT of the sitution. maybe that is the difference? if someone had helped me OUT, maybe that behavior would have continued to happen because i knew people would "rescue" me. instead though, i was helped "through" and appreciated what was given, as well as the opportunity to learn from my experience. as pam said, i came out better equipped to handle this life, my life, my surroundings, and am thankful for it. also, remember what brit said last post. there is only so much that you can do...support, help, encourage...the rest is up to something bigger.
Post a Comment