Acceptance.

"Ask not that events should happen as you will, but let your will be
that events should happen as they do, and you shall have peace." ~ Epictetus

finding a little slice of peace through the acceptance of situations and through the acceptance of myself.....

my house will not always be clean
i am divorced
Bugz might be my one and only baby
i don't know if i will ever find love again
as a single mama, i am not always able to give 100% of myself to brody
i have a beautifully supportive and amazing family
sometimes i lose my patience
i am going to be 33 this year
i cannot please everyone
sometimes i will say the wrong thing
it's okay to say no
i am the best mama that i can be
i am lucky to be a mama
i might not always call you back
i need my quiet space
sometimes i get lonely
i won't post here as often as i would like :)
i work hard and am able to provide for my family
I have patient friends who have given me the space and time to get to this place today.
i have experienced love.
i have one incredibly smart and absolutely amazing beautiful son.
my heart is full.......

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
~Joseph Campbell

and so i begin the journey of shedding the old skin......

I know, I know, it's time to start posting again! Unfortunately it is not going to be as often as I would like but be patient with me :)
First things first, I guess I should mentiong that I believe my cricket problem is no longer a problem.... Yay for me!!!! And YES, I have showered :) Yay for you!!!
I thought I might just share some pics of what has been going on the past several months....






Some how my little baby boy turned three years old! How in the world did this happen? He enjoyed seeing all his friends and cousins at his birthday celebrations. (thank you's are on their way: ;) Momma took him to build-a-bear for a special treat.... who knew he would pick an owl. So brody now has a very stylish owl named "skreech" (thanks to auntie mimi) who has a pair of sketchers just like brody!!!!
We also got to celebrate a new edition to the family with Cassie and Kyle's wedding in beautiful Colorado. Brody experienced hail for the first time and attempted to lick it off the deck where we were staying.... poor little arizonian.
Brodes has been visiting grandpa and grandma Rauch quite a bit and is now a little pro at riding a big horsie. He loves to see all the animals out there on the ranch as well as to drive the tractor around like a big boy.

BABY SEASON....

Sooo, as I am out and about these days I can't help but notice all the little babies that surround me. I have never really noticed this time of year when all the animals around us share the love and bring more little animals into this world. I love it!
The little baby ducks following thier momma and daddy around the lake at the park, baby turtles swimmin around at the entrance of the zoo, I even loved the tiny baby lizard that I watched run across my back porch this evening.
What I AM NOT loving is the millions of baby crickets that creep up my shower drain each night to put up camp!!!! Ummm excuse me baby crickets don't you realize that I do not need any more excuses from taking a shower?????? I love babies, I love animals, I even love some insects (well maybe not so much) BUT I don't like sharing my shower with them. Especially when they come in massive numbers. I could just picture myself getting brave enough to step into the shower and then being carried off like the princess in Desperoux. Yikes!
I'm not big on killing the little guys especially since they are just babies but I sure the heck am not going to scoop each one up into a cup and toss em out into the yard so that they can crawl back up my drain. So kill them it is.... the only problem is....bug spray doesn't seem to be stopping them. They just keep coming, even though they can surely see what it has done to their brothers and sisters. Watering them back down the drain doesn't seem to be stopping them either despite crickets not being waterbugs. Soooo it's official- I will no longer be taking showers. :) Consider this a fair warning.

GROUNDED.....

This word has such a different meaning as an adult vs back when I was a teenager

(yes I did get grounded occasionally) :)

When I think about where I am at these days, this word sneaks into my thoughts...

Feeling in a good place.

Feeling good about who I am

feeling good about where I am headed.

Feeling more confident and HEALTHY!

Feeling at peace

feeling calm

my body is no longer so completely exhausted from fighting so hard to stay above water.

My breathing has gone from quick survival breathes to deep relaxed breathes- ahhh

my mind is slowing from a race to a brisk walk- I am actually remember things :)

Food tastes good again- hence the weight gain :)

I am taking better care of myself

(have a long way to go but... baby steps....)

feeling happier

letting go.......

sinking those feet deep into the sand.

feeling.....

GROUNDED!

WE REMEMBER........

TO A DEAR FRIEND

JEREMY FRESQUES

WHO WE LOST ON MEMORIAL DAY IN 2005

YOU ARE MISSED SO VERY MUCH!!!!!!

TO YOU AND ALL THE OTHER FALLEN HEROS,

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE TO THIS COUNTRY

YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN...

THE GANG....

Every so often when Ang comes into town we are ALL able to get together for some good times!!

THANKS LADIES....

for the good conversation,

for the laughter,

for the companionship,

and most importantly
for the cherished friendship!!!!